The Blossom Effect

 

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“I blossomed before you and you stopped growing as a whole”

Mistakes of all forms happen and heartaches happen at different magnitudes, but Imagine hearing that from the person you were supposed to marry. I always remember telling her she is my sidekick, my day 1 and wife. We weren’t married and just had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but I wanted to do everything with her. Not that I was unable to do it alone, but simply because her being with me, made everything better. There was not a snapchat she didn’t send my way that I didn’t take a screenshot of. There was not a dinner where I didn’t sneak a picture of her. There wasn’t much I didn’t take a picture of because I wanted to hold those memories. Unfortunately, through the process I lost touch with me and my world became her happiness. So naturally, I stopped growing from the inside out. Yes, I figured out my style of clothing and starting smiling more, but that was really about it. Whereas now when I look back at the pictures I can tell the exact moment in time where she lost touch with me. I can tell the exact moment in time where she blossomed and I was the same guy she met. Maybe it’s good thing or maybe it’s a bad thing, i have no idea how to feel about it. I have just come to accept the fact that she blossomed before me.

The unfortunate thing about toxic relationships is it leaves its scars on you permanently. You can move on, you can grow and be different but something about that toxicity, stays with you. The easy way is to blame her, but as a man I have to admit both of us together just didn’t work. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I didn’t do enough to keep her around. I simply became boring and stagnant.

The first year was difficult in all forms because I had to adjust myself to doing things alone. I had to be okay with her doing her own thing or with friends, instead of me. I had to face the truth of me being the same guy as the first day she met. I had not grown in any way, so I really had two options? one , I could drown in my own pain and sorrow(which I was already doing). Two, I could start a new chapter in my life and never hear this ever again.

It’s been two-three years now and those words ring in my ear whenever I relax. Those words help wake me up at 5 am to start the day with pedal to the metal. I have taken out the word tired from my dictionary. I have stopped with relying on others to join me on adventures, if anything I love my alone time. I probably have grown the most this year than ever before because 90% of things I have done all alone.

I was sitting with my father one day and he told me a story about an eagle that wouldn’t fly. The eagle would just sit on a tree branch all day even though it had the ability to fly. The owner then decided to cut off the entire branch and the eagle immediately started to fly. Just as this eagle I was meant to soar but she was my branch and my comfort zone. I held on to her for dear life  because I was too scared to fly and now that I am soaring, I only want to go higher. I only want to try new things and be the best version of myself. If you are in this predicament, i’m telling you, cut off that branch. You can love someone without limits but the day you become stagnant and stay in your comfort zone is the day you will hear what I did. I promise you. The day you start doing things alone, is the day new doors will open for you.

Do you know the real YOU?

find-yourself

After going through shitty relationships one after another I decided to take some time off for myself. These last few months have been dedicated to understanding myself, my mind and my soul. I realized I knew so much about every damn bollywood actor, actress and the great athletes around the world that I was not in tune with myself. Why is it that we can read books, watch movies or TV shows and give detailed summaries about them? Whereas when it comes to ourselves we neglect the depth needed to understand the real us.

I learned to face my good qualities and attempt to fix my bad ones as well. Have I improved, only time will tell. What i can tell you is that I am confident about who I am as a whole. I don’t need people to like me, appreciate me or show me love because I do that for myself. Now why does all of this matter and why is this linked to my shitty relationships-here’s why! I was going into relationships hoping someone would fix my self image issues, confidence, and fill any voids I have. I relied on someone else to provide me with assurance that I am good enough or that I am someone that can be loved. It made me clingy, overbearing, and someone who was unable to grow as a whole while in a relationship.

With taking this time off I worked on each aspect of myself individually, one by one. First thing I changed was my diet! Yes my diet! I started eating clean food, home cooked meals and stopped eating just because I was bored. Secondly, I started doing things alone that gave me time to feel things. Whether it’s working out, going to the park, hiking or driving down to the city just to explore. I found ways to have me, myself and I time! It helped me approach strangers just to talk and be comfortable all alone without much assistance. Lastly, I trained my mind to believe in myself, my ideas, and my goals in life. I respect everyones suggestions and opinions but Its my life after all and I am in the driver seat, not you!

Take a break from social media, music, TV, friends or shitty relationships just to feel good about yourself. We are humans and are made in a way to love another human on a mental, emotional and physical level. Until your future partner walks into your life just build your mind, body and soul because it will only help you and your partner grow into something far more special than anyone in the past ! Learn to love yourself and understand who you are better than any celebrity you adore from afar. Stop letting others grab the wheel of life from you just because they add nothing but a presence that fill a void.

 

Dear South Asian Parents.

Dear South Asian Parents,

We love you immensely and respect all you have done for us. There are times we sit back and think how we would be unable to do the things you do every day, there is something you should know about us. Times have changed and compared to how you grew up, we are living in a different world. Males and females can be friends, women can get the same jobs as men. We want you guys to understand this about us. We do not want our actions to be overshadowed by what society will say or what people around us have accomplished. We have become a household of order and structure that we often forget that we are a family. We want you to ask about things besides school and work. Ask us about our day, what new movies are out, or what we have planned for the weekend. We want you to be our friends and take interest in our lives so we don’t make mistakes like Anjali. Often we pass by each other but do not have much to say which is starting to create a wall between our relationship. We all make mistakes but in this time and age some unfortunate mistakes in your eyes may be drinking, smoking, and dating. We want to have a frank relationship with you but if we feel like you are going to react and get upset with us, chances are we will back off and not say anything even when we need you. Maybe our major in college is not what you want or maybe we are in love but can’t tell you. We really do love you but we as kids are stuck in a parallel with our modern lives while trying to relate to your customs. The fact of the matter is the only consistent thing about life is change. Now we as kids have to be calmer and really understand that we are from two different worlds, and we want you to do this as well. Now that you know our side we want to know yours.