Relationship Goals?

My generation has wrongful and strange perceptions on many things, but one

phenomenon that surprises me is the phrase “relationship goals”. If you are on any

social media outlet you will often see hashtags or pictures referring to a certain

relationship aspect. These pictures show very cliché things such as a couple kissing,

holding hands, or watching the sunset. On the bottom of these pictures usually

include a cliché quote, which talks about honesty, compassion, trust, and genuinely

being in love with your partner. Call me silly but shouldn’t these things be the

foundation of any relationship? How can the foundation of something that should

already exist be a goal? We should not be applauding things that should already be

present within a relationship.

My generation (including me) should look at the generations before us and

take notes. My parents have been married for 35 years and still counting. My

grandmother held my grandfathers hand as he took his last breath. I also know not

everyone has been in the same situation as me because break ups and divorce

happen. Yet one thing to note is even if the generations before us have dealt with

divorce or break ups, these couples have one thing in common: they fought until the

very end, and divorce was never the first option.

Now a days the dating scene is really annoying because we have so many

different labels. Such as single, in a relationship, it’s complicated, friends with

benefits, casually dating, and so on. The labels are not the problem, its following the

guidelines of these labels is where the problems start. If we all just cut the crap and

just be honest, our dating scene can be something really amazing.

Journey of ŁŌVĒ

The average man notices a woman at a higher frequency than a woman notices a man. I don’t have the facts to prove this statement, but through observations around my friends I have come to this conclusion. Now here is what I do know for a fact. Every so often we find that one person we click with. No bullshit, no acting, all honesty, and with our pure emotions we eventually fall for them. That’s where love comes into play and takes us on a journey. This journey can ride off into a sunset or crash into the sea. BOY oh BOY does that crash hurt like hell because you are vulnerable, hurt, you feel empty, and just want to cry. You probably end up doing that weird thing where you walk up to a mirror and watch yourself cry, the rush of emotions makes you cry harder with snot dripping and tears flowing down your cheek. It’s not pretty at all but we all experience that moment of mixed emotions and misery.

The reality is that real love happens maybe once or twice in life. I mean like REAL love. Love as in, through all the challenges you face as a couple, no matter what, you want to put a ring on that finger and not think twice about it. Now here is where the problems begin. You might be thinking “what could possibly be wrong with wanting or giving a ring?” Well sorry to break it to you but yes, a problem does exist but we all fail to notice it. Are you actually in love, or are you in love with the idea of love? It’s a crazy thought, but we all need someone to love and we all want to be loved. Yet often we stay with people and we deal with nonsense that we shouldn’t have to. These things include but are not limited to cheating, lying, excessive farting, or simply being a boring person. As a side note everyone farts so don’t end a relationship over that.

Love is an amazing feeling when it’s good and hurts when its bad but don’t be scared of putting yourself out there to meet new people. Trust me, you might have more rejections, or failed relationships, but when it does work and you give/get that ring, all the moments before will make sense. Everything in life after you meet the one will be brighter but until then be patient and don’t cry too much.

Complete state of happiness*

 

Every individual and generation in our society for has been involved in an

ongoing topic of discussion with the term, happiness. The one question still

remaining is simple. What is happiness? Is it your significant other? Is it your family,

friends, a certain hobby? Some may say happiness is obtained through the

possession of materialistic objects, but others may have a hard time experiencing

happiness because of chemical imbalances. Depending on who you ask, you will

receive a different answer. According to the dictionary, happiness is simply defined

as the state of being happy. So how does one achieve this state of being happy, and

how long will this last?

My state of happiness did not come walking to me. I had to discover it and

make it a part of my life and who I am. The way my personality is, I mold to people,

places, and my surroundings to make it more comfortable for others. Some say it’s

fake or I’m not being myself but I have a mask or two depending on whom I am

around. Meaning I’m one way with my family and another way around my friends.

I lacked complete happiness for years, rooting from self-image issues and not

being in a comfortable position academically. Whenever somebody said something

negative about me, I went on this chase to prove them wrong. A simple example

came about 4 years ago when this girl said I had a bad smile and no sense of style.

Was she right, maybe? Did it sting, oh yeah! After that comment, my self- esteem

dropped and I took drastic measures to change my appearance in hopes to achieve

my internal state of happiness. I got braces put on to fix my teeth, which by the way

took 3 painful years. I also started looking into men’s fashion to change the way I

dressed and worked on my image in various ways. This was all in hopes to appear as

a new and improved person. It sounds like a cliché Hollywood movie, but it was far

from that. I was so worried about proving her wrong, I became very self-centered

and self-absorbed, and that was not who I was deep down inside. I became a little

distant from family and friends because my only worry was to never hear that

comment again. The irony in this entire situation was my lack of happiness. At this

point in my life I had very few friends left and I was an individual with no substance.

About two years ago, something happened to me which turned my life

around. I met someone who pulled down my cocky mask and created a confident

man. I still remember, she would take pictures from across the table and I would not

smile. Instead, I would make a pouty or ugly face because I was that insecure about

my smile. This amazing soul would not take any picture unless I smiled. As time

passed she taught me how to smile and be confident with myself. She introduced me

to some amazing stores to shop at and create the look I always wanted. Through all

of the challenges we faced, she was there to guide me in ways that made me

understand the beauty of life, and that acquiring internal happiness was not difficult.

In return, the self-centered Kay started to disappear. I became a person that wanted

to help others find their internal happiness through finding their own self-worth.

Long story short, we both helped each other in so many ways. Things ended, but she

left an unimaginable impact on my life and I cannot thank her enough for it. I found a

best friend in her who will always be there for me.

My happiness, my smile, my confidence, and who I am today is because of

her. Even though we are just friends, she is the reason for my complete state of

happiness. Through my time with her I learned to love myself, ignore negativity, and

promote love. Sometimes we get so lost in wordily things we forgot to invest a little

love into us. As she would always tell me, “F#$& what people think, just do what

makes you happy.” She left her mark on me forever. All I ask now is, who will you

make happy today?

Dear South Asian Parents.

Dear South Asian Parents,

We love you immensely and respect all you have done for us. There are times we sit back and think how we would be unable to do the things you do every day, there is something you should know about us. Times have changed and compared to how you grew up, we are living in a different world. Males and females can be friends, women can get the same jobs as men. We want you guys to understand this about us. We do not want our actions to be overshadowed by what society will say or what people around us have accomplished. We have become a household of order and structure that we often forget that we are a family. We want you to ask about things besides school and work. Ask us about our day, what new movies are out, or what we have planned for the weekend. We want you to be our friends and take interest in our lives so we don’t make mistakes like Anjali. Often we pass by each other but do not have much to say which is starting to create a wall between our relationship. We all make mistakes but in this time and age some unfortunate mistakes in your eyes may be drinking, smoking, and dating. We want to have a frank relationship with you but if we feel like you are going to react and get upset with us, chances are we will back off and not say anything even when we need you. Maybe our major in college is not what you want or maybe we are in love but can’t tell you. We really do love you but we as kids are stuck in a parallel with our modern lives while trying to relate to your customs. The fact of the matter is the only consistent thing about life is change. Now we as kids have to be calmer and really understand that we are from two different worlds, and we want you to do this as well. Now that you know our side we want to know yours.

Anjali & Trust Issues.

My heart was racing because I was drunk and the walk from the car to the door felt like a mile long. It seemed like an eternity to unlock my door and the entire time I was reminding myself to “act natural”. My make-up was smeared, I did not change out of my short dress and by the time I closed the door behind me I saw my parents sitting down and trying to find a daughter in me. They demanded me to come sit in front of them. I knew if I walked to them they would be able to smell the alcohol from my breath and my slurred words would give it away. I took a moment then started walking to them with the help of the walls and furniture around me. By the time I took a seat I saw them get angrier and scream, “Are you drunk!?” I denied it, I swore to them but my mom leaned in and smelled it on me. Just by the look on her face I knew I was in a lot of trouble. I thought at the time it would be great to lighten up the mood by telling them a joke I heard. I looked straight at my dad and said, a sandwich went into a bar and the bartender said, “Sorry we don’t serve food here”. I got no reaction but due to my intoxication I laughed really hard. My dad ordered my mom to take me upstairs and get me in bed; we will deal with her tomorrow.

My mother pulled my arm and dragged me up the flight of stairs. She gave me my bedtime clothes and put some water by my bedside table. I thought I was dreaming about throwing up but when I woke up I realized my clothes, bed, and floor were covered in it. By this point my mom had to clean it because I was way to hung-over to even help. I was called downstairs to have breakfast with the family but I knew I was due for a lecture. I walked to the breakfast table and before I had even sat down he demanded my phone and told me no more friends and no more going anywhere without our supervision. I just nodded my head and slid my phone to him and quietly went to my room with my breakfast.

I still had graduation and senior week ahead of me. My parents basically had me on house arrest, checking my phone every time it would buzz, going through my closet to make sure I was not hiding anything, and kept a close eye on my actions. I thought if I kept my good behavior up everything would be fine. Boy oh boy was I wrong about that thought process. They just needed a reason to bring up prom night and even with my 500 apologies they just did not want to even talk to me. I was reminded constantly of how much of a shame I was to the family name and how I can never be trusted.

Graduation day was bitter sweet. I thought to myself this is it, the 4 years of high school are over and senior week was going to be my only way to see my friends. After walking the stage my dad told me I would have 15 minutes to talk to my friends and I had no choice because I was not going to fight back. I knew senior week would not happen. I knew my parents were on the zero tolerance policy but the worst part was how they overshadowed my accomplishments over the past four years. I earned scholarships but it was overlooked because they were still comparing me to girls they thought had good image although everyone knew they sneak out every weekend and do the things I once did.

I heard my name being called and I got up to retrieve my diploma. The entire time I was walking back to my seat I thought how I would have never handled the situation like my parents did. Unlike them, I understand the impulses teenagers have. The social environment and curiosity leads them to experiment with things that their parents might not be proud of. I knew in my college career I would drink again, but the worst part was that I couldn’t tell them anything anymore.

Anjali is not a real girl, everything was made up and fictional but being a South Asian teenager is difficult. We have to balance two worlds between friends and family but that often gets overlooked. I have decided to stop the story here but next week I will have a message to the parents.

Anjali in high school.

It was 12th grade and I was sitting three rows from the stage. During our valedictorian’s speech I just could not focus because she was so damn boring. I zoned out and started reflecting on the last four years of my journey through high school.

9th grade I woke up and my mom was telling me how she went to the temple yesterday to do Pooja for a good first day. We were not wealthy and had just enough money to make ends meet. My only option for a ride to school was my dad’s tow truck. The embarrassment I felt when getting out of his truck was indescribable. I would check my surrounds in hopes that no one would know that I was leaving from the rusty and squeaking truck. All the other students would be dropped off in luxury cars and walked with a sense of pride unlike me. When I walked into school the hallways were big which scared me because I had no idea where to go or even whom to ask for help. Everyone knew one another from childhood or was part of an extracurricular group so they all knew one another. I was the new girl in the neighborhood and had to find a way to be seen. I craved the popularity and recognition but my parents controlling everything I did made my journey tough.

10th grade was a little better because I met a few people and was able to walk in with them without the sense of embarrassment. The reality was I wanted to be the girls I saw in the corner with the guys. They were beautiful and everyone knew them! Unfortunately my parents had one major rule which was no talking to boys. All my childhood I followed this but I started to realize that there was no harm in having a few male friends. Plus at this moment I was desperate because I wanted more attention.

11th grade I found ways to trick my parents from “Mom I have a study group” to “Dad I have to get some extra help from the teachers” I always found a way to stay out later. Those excuses were my way to get to the mall and do some shopping with my girlfriend. I started packing an extra outfit every day in my backpack and would change once I got into school. I started wearing miniskirts and showing off extra skin as a way to get phone numbers. It worked but I could not save guys numbers because if a name showed up on my phone while I was around my parents they would lose it. At first I had a paper with numbers and names on it but then my friend showed me a clever way to not have to sneak around texting my new guy friends. They told me to save the numbers into the phone as female names. For example John is Jessica and Richard is Rachelle. I could not thank them enough because it worked like a charm. I got away with it until my last year in school.

12th grade I was making several friends, guys and girls and had become more comfortable with the secret lifestyle I had. This was all the same until I got asked to prom. Since I got so happy I said yes to “Rachel”. I could not use the same excuses as before because the night would end late, so my only option was the sneak out of the house. I did not tell my parents but I told my date I would meet him down the street. I remember running to his car and enjoying prom night so much because I had never experienced this before. I had my first kiss that night, I drank, and did so much more that I blacked out. When I got home I opened the door I saw my parents waiting in the living room. I was too drunk to stand and they sat down looking at my dress, smeared make-up, and a daughter they did not recognize.

A little about Anjali.

Before I get started on this four weeklong story I want to talk about something. We live in a world of problems but the worst problem to have is not knowing you have a problem. We all deal with internal or external issues, simple as a flat tire ruining your day, or maybe an argument with a loved one because they touched on a sensitive topic. Forget others, but I feel like the life is being sucked out of me when I am asked to help someone with their issues because I have dealt with people who would not do the same for me.

The story that will start next week is about a young girl named Anjali. She is a 19-year-old fictional character who is dealing with the generational, cultural, and mental differences since her parents are immigrants from Punjab and she is born and raised in America. This is a problem many South Asian communities deal with yet ignore because we feel like nothing can be done. It may be comical for some but believe me it is reality for most. This story will follow her journey in hopes to find her identity in a Punjabi family and be a part of American culture. Just to give some history, Anjali is a freshman at a university studying to be a doctor, not because she wants to, but because it will make her parents proud. Our South Asian societies focus heavy on social status and what others will think which is why many South Asians deal with internal and external issues such as Anjali will. Anjali not only lies to her parents but also to her self about many things that you will see as the story continues. From Anjali’s dating life, friends, and her crazy parents. See you next week as we explore and start from Anjali’s high school life!