The Blossom Effect

 

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“I blossomed before you and you stopped growing as a whole”

Mistakes of all forms happen and heartaches happen at different magnitudes, but Imagine hearing that from the person you were supposed to marry. I always remember telling her she is my sidekick, my day 1 and wife. We weren’t married and just had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but I wanted to do everything with her. Not that I was unable to do it alone, but simply because her being with me, made everything better. There was not a snapchat she didn’t send my way that I didn’t take a screenshot of. There was not a dinner where I didn’t sneak a picture of her. There wasn’t much I didn’t take a picture of because I wanted to hold those memories. Unfortunately, through the process I lost touch with me and my world became her happiness. So naturally, I stopped growing from the inside out. Yes, I figured out my style of clothing and starting smiling more, but that was really about it. Whereas now when I look back at the pictures I can tell the exact moment in time where she lost touch with me. I can tell the exact moment in time where she blossomed and I was the same guy she met. Maybe it’s good thing or maybe it’s a bad thing, i have no idea how to feel about it. I have just come to accept the fact that she blossomed before me.

The unfortunate thing about toxic relationships is it leaves its scars on you permanently. You can move on, you can grow and be different but something about that toxicity, stays with you. The easy way is to blame her, but as a man I have to admit both of us together just didn’t work. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I didn’t do enough to keep her around. I simply became boring and stagnant.

The first year was difficult in all forms because I had to adjust myself to doing things alone. I had to be okay with her doing her own thing or with friends, instead of me. I had to face the truth of me being the same guy as the first day she met. I had not grown in any way, so I really had two options? one , I could drown in my own pain and sorrow(which I was already doing). Two, I could start a new chapter in my life and never hear this ever again.

It’s been two-three years now and those words ring in my ear whenever I relax. Those words help wake me up at 5 am to start the day with pedal to the metal. I have taken out the word tired from my dictionary. I have stopped with relying on others to join me on adventures, if anything I love my alone time. I probably have grown the most this year than ever before because 90% of things I have done all alone.

I was sitting with my father one day and he told me a story about an eagle that wouldn’t fly. The eagle would just sit on a tree branch all day even though it had the ability to fly. The owner then decided to cut off the entire branch and the eagle immediately started to fly. Just as this eagle I was meant to soar but she was my branch and my comfort zone. I held on to her for dear life  because I was too scared to fly and now that I am soaring, I only want to go higher. I only want to try new things and be the best version of myself. If you are in this predicament, i’m telling you, cut off that branch. You can love someone without limits but the day you become stagnant and stay in your comfort zone is the day you will hear what I did. I promise you. The day you start doing things alone, is the day new doors will open for you.

How I Learned to Fill Voids.

 

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We all meet someone who is super intimidating at first and then we realize that they just have RBF(resting bitch face). This is exactly what happened between me and my friend Marium. At first I was very shy and quiet around her because of how she carries herself but as time passed I realized how chill she is. Whether it’s learning photography or having a friend to eat tacos with, it’s always fun and relaxed with her.

Last night we went to get tacos after midnight and a conversation sparked regarding relationships, hoe behavior and the depth both of us need out of our next partner. She has this habit of not talking while eating because it helps her “focus” on her food. Once she finished her food she said “I bet I know everything about you, even though you don’t talk about the real you”. I looked at her and said “ard do it” and this girl went on a rant for a full 10 minutes about who I am. The things she said I have never wrote in a blog let alone voice to anyone. She scared the shit out of me and I was intimidated by her again. I felt naked, vulnerable and wanted to go hide somewhere because of how accurate her perception was about me.

She talked about my love life, career, school and self doubts. I tried to control my facial expressions because I didn’t want her to think she was right. She then said “If it’s okay with you, I will help you be less bougie and be who you really are”. She looked at my phone then reached her hand out and without hesitation I handed her my phone. One by one she deleted and blocked old phone numbers, and people off my social media that I should have cut off years ago. I swear I was annoyed when she did that until this morning because I would wake up to 15-20 texts and social media going crazy. I realized I was spending my time, energy, and money on people who don’t add value to my life. They were around to fill voids I didn’t know existed or to make me feel better about myself. This morning I woke up to zero texts and maybe 5 social media notifications. It was so nice to not have over 30 notifications on my phone and this burden or feeling that I have to reply to everyone, even though I don’t connect with them.

I texted her the next morning to tell her how bossy she is and how much value she holds in my life. Hands down, she is the only person in the world who can call the shots or be bossy and I do not get offended. The reasoning being is because she does not have malicious intentions. She says the things you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. At first I had a lot of “Wtf” moments with her but I quickly learned how layered she is and how much depth she has that cannot be seen on the surface. Best way to explain Marium is that she has resting bitch face for the world but is a soft serve ice cream from the inside.

Now why does my friendship with a “bossy” friend mean anything-well here’s how! I realized through her that I spent countless years maintaining relationships on romantic and platonic levels with people who do not deserve it. So my question is why do we insist on wasting our time on such people? Why do we go above and beyond for people who won’t take one step for us? Its simple. The fear of loneliness and this hunger to fill voids. Which are left from someone leaving us or some situation that left us empty. So how do we stop this cycle of constant let downs?

1) Stop filling voids with other humans who are incomplete themselves

2) Find yourself before you go finding someone else

3) Stop telling people too much about yourself. Don’t be an open book for everyone. If someone wants to know, they will ask you!

4) 200 likes on Instagram or an X amount of retweets does not mean your life is full. I promise you, it takes one good soul to fill the shoes of 200 people who liked your picture or re-tweeted you.

5) Don’t be scared to be the real you! Leave the fancy bullshit for the one who matters and deserves it. Until then enjoy the small things in life. Such as Iced coffee, french fries and pizza. With the people who matter(or alone).

Bonus Pro Tip***** Don’t be scared to approach people with RBF(resting bitch face). They aren’t bad people, they are just lost deep in thought,probably about food.  

The Two Sons

His big brown eyes looked up at the two wanting to be included. He often looked from afar hoping he could be part of the conversations. His older brother would share a big breakfast along with discussions about life, work and family with his dad. The younger brother sat looking at the tea and then every so often looking up at the two. The younger brother didn’t have much to say to his father he didn’t know whether it was because of age or different interests. As the years went on the younger brother pulled himself away from the family thinking he didn’t belong. He made him self busy with college, friends and making a name for himself. His only goal was to hear his parents say they are proud of him.

The problem with him being the youngest is he only saw his older siblings including the older brother gain success. He always felt he was too far behind in life or maybe didn’t have much in common with anyone. While everyone had a path in life the youngest wanted to be a writer, photographer or do something creative. The younger brother would often sit with his family and not feel connected because nobody understood him. He was an observer, a runner up and stuck in the shadows of his family name. What he didn’t know was his differences within the family made him have a rare mentality that pulled people towards him.

Sometimes we get so busy in life that we don’t realize how much has changed. The younger brother was now 23 years old, done with college, working and having conversations with his father. He also got to hear from his parents that they are proud of him. He soon became the life of the house and kept everyone happy because he had a different approach to life. Its funny how things change because now the older brothers brown eyes looked at the younger brother and said “I envy you” after the younger brother shared the conversation he had the previous night with his father. The older brother said “my entire life I could only connect with dad over work. I never had a chance to connect with dad over personal things”. Its as if the roles had switched between the brothers. Maybe I only observed the things that met my eyes on the breakfast table. Maybe just maybe my different ideologies, interests and this love for love helped me get what I want with my family. The difference with me is that I want to bring the two sons back together on that breakfast table. One can talk about work and the other son can talk about the new filter on instagram. It’s not the breakfast I want to share but rather the time spent on the table.