The Blossom Effect

 

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“I blossomed before you and you stopped growing as a whole”

Mistakes of all forms happen and heartaches happen at different magnitudes, but Imagine hearing that from the person you were supposed to marry. I always remember telling her she is my sidekick, my day 1 and wife. We weren’t married and just had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but I wanted to do everything with her. Not that I was unable to do it alone, but simply because her being with me, made everything better. There was not a snapchat she didn’t send my way that I didn’t take a screenshot of. There was not a dinner where I didn’t sneak a picture of her. There wasn’t much I didn’t take a picture of because I wanted to hold those memories. Unfortunately, through the process I lost touch with me and my world became her happiness. So naturally, I stopped growing from the inside out. Yes, I figured out my style of clothing and starting smiling more, but that was really about it. Whereas now when I look back at the pictures I can tell the exact moment in time where she lost touch with me. I can tell the exact moment in time where she blossomed and I was the same guy she met. Maybe it’s good thing or maybe it’s a bad thing, i have no idea how to feel about it. I have just come to accept the fact that she blossomed before me.

The unfortunate thing about toxic relationships is it leaves its scars on you permanently. You can move on, you can grow and be different but something about that toxicity, stays with you. The easy way is to blame her, but as a man I have to admit both of us together just didn’t work. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I didn’t do enough to keep her around. I simply became boring and stagnant.

The first year was difficult in all forms because I had to adjust myself to doing things alone. I had to be okay with her doing her own thing or with friends, instead of me. I had to face the truth of me being the same guy as the first day she met. I had not grown in any way, so I really had two options? one , I could drown in my own pain and sorrow(which I was already doing). Two, I could start a new chapter in my life and never hear this ever again.

It’s been two-three years now and those words ring in my ear whenever I relax. Those words help wake me up at 5 am to start the day with pedal to the metal. I have taken out the word tired from my dictionary. I have stopped with relying on others to join me on adventures, if anything I love my alone time. I probably have grown the most this year than ever before because 90% of things I have done all alone.

I was sitting with my father one day and he told me a story about an eagle that wouldn’t fly. The eagle would just sit on a tree branch all day even though it had the ability to fly. The owner then decided to cut off the entire branch and the eagle immediately started to fly. Just as this eagle I was meant to soar but she was my branch and my comfort zone. I held on to her for dear life  because I was too scared to fly and now that I am soaring, I only want to go higher. I only want to try new things and be the best version of myself. If you are in this predicament, i’m telling you, cut off that branch. You can love someone without limits but the day you become stagnant and stay in your comfort zone is the day you will hear what I did. I promise you. The day you start doing things alone, is the day new doors will open for you.

Who pays on the first date?

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Have you ever been in a situation where you are broke? Don’t have money to pay bills or even fill up your gas tank? Yet you somehow stumble upon someone, who you really like? Then suddenly you are faced with the struggle to fund the first date just because you are a guy?

Here is how I face such a predicament, If my character, morals, values and personality are not enough to keep someone then good bye. The fancy dates and gifts are nice but that does not make the relationship good by any standard-cough cough future wife I want a new football jersey. All jokes aside most of us are not made of money, we shop from sale racks and try to manage our money. Then why should we expect fancy dates from a completely stranger, who we are interested in.

With that said the most common first date is usually dinner at a nice place. First dates are your tryouts, if you do good the possibility of a second date or getting a call back goes up. One thing to keep in mind is just be yourself and do not try too hard to win them over with being flashy. Now if you cant pronounce over half the entrees on the menu, chances are this place is not for you. If you look at the price of the food and pray to god she doesn’t order the most expensive plate(she usually does), chances are this place is not for you. What I am trying to say is don’t go crazy, keep it simple. Coffee shops, museums, walk at the park or even a hole in the wall restaurant is okay. The key is for her to like YOU not the place you take her. There is nothing wrong with doing the best for your date but its also important to maintain a proper budget.

After your meal, what happens next really shows who you are as a person. Society says the man should pay on the first date-agreed! On the other hand the woman should at least offer to split the check. Now before you guys get on my case, I have never let the lady pay on the first date. My only issue is if she doesn’t even offer, It leaves a bad taste in my mouth because that means she already expected me to pay.

Here’s why men including me get annoyed if you don’t even offer. In our minds we know that I asked you to the date.  We also know that I approached you first but we have to cut these bullshit double standards that are used when it benefits us. look, If me being a real man comes from pulling out my wallet then you as a woman should at least offer. I promise you, a real man will never let you pay. We as men just want to see effort and feel appreciated but the moment you sit there, expecting the man to pay is when we feel used.

For anyone reading this and thinking I am being a “Menist” or not being a “gentleman”, i’m sorry you are incorrect. Lets reflect to when we go out with our friends, we split the check and maybe once in awhile pick up their tab. Then why do we have unreasonable expectations from a complete stranger? Why do we put so much financial burden on someone who may have loans, bills, and other financial issues? 

“If you as a man do not pay on the first date, you were raised wrong and if you as a woman do not offer, you were raised wrong”-Treat your date and partner like your best friend not someone who needs to buy your time.