The Blossom Effect

 

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“I blossomed before you and you stopped growing as a whole”

Mistakes of all forms happen and heartaches happen at different magnitudes, but Imagine hearing that from the person you were supposed to marry. I always remember telling her she is my sidekick, my day 1 and wife. We weren’t married and just had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but I wanted to do everything with her. Not that I was unable to do it alone, but simply because her being with me, made everything better. There was not a snapchat she didn’t send my way that I didn’t take a screenshot of. There was not a dinner where I didn’t sneak a picture of her. There wasn’t much I didn’t take a picture of because I wanted to hold those memories. Unfortunately, through the process I lost touch with me and my world became her happiness. So naturally, I stopped growing from the inside out. Yes, I figured out my style of clothing and starting smiling more, but that was really about it. Whereas now when I look back at the pictures I can tell the exact moment in time where she lost touch with me. I can tell the exact moment in time where she blossomed and I was the same guy she met. Maybe it’s good thing or maybe it’s a bad thing, i have no idea how to feel about it. I have just come to accept the fact that she blossomed before me.

The unfortunate thing about toxic relationships is it leaves its scars on you permanently. You can move on, you can grow and be different but something about that toxicity, stays with you. The easy way is to blame her, but as a man I have to admit both of us together just didn’t work. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I didn’t do enough to keep her around. I simply became boring and stagnant.

The first year was difficult in all forms because I had to adjust myself to doing things alone. I had to be okay with her doing her own thing or with friends, instead of me. I had to face the truth of me being the same guy as the first day she met. I had not grown in any way, so I really had two options? one , I could drown in my own pain and sorrow(which I was already doing). Two, I could start a new chapter in my life and never hear this ever again.

It’s been two-three years now and those words ring in my ear whenever I relax. Those words help wake me up at 5 am to start the day with pedal to the metal. I have taken out the word tired from my dictionary. I have stopped with relying on others to join me on adventures, if anything I love my alone time. I probably have grown the most this year than ever before because 90% of things I have done all alone.

I was sitting with my father one day and he told me a story about an eagle that wouldn’t fly. The eagle would just sit on a tree branch all day even though it had the ability to fly. The owner then decided to cut off the entire branch and the eagle immediately started to fly. Just as this eagle I was meant to soar but she was my branch and my comfort zone. I held on to her for dear life  because I was too scared to fly and now that I am soaring, I only want to go higher. I only want to try new things and be the best version of myself. If you are in this predicament, i’m telling you, cut off that branch. You can love someone without limits but the day you become stagnant and stay in your comfort zone is the day you will hear what I did. I promise you. The day you start doing things alone, is the day new doors will open for you.

Journey of ŁŌVĒ

The average man notices a woman at a higher frequency than a woman notices a man. I don’t have the facts to prove this statement, but through observations around my friends I have come to this conclusion. Now here is what I do know for a fact. Every so often we find that one person we click with. No bullshit, no acting, all honesty, and with our pure emotions we eventually fall for them. That’s where love comes into play and takes us on a journey. This journey can ride off into a sunset or crash into the sea. BOY oh BOY does that crash hurt like hell because you are vulnerable, hurt, you feel empty, and just want to cry. You probably end up doing that weird thing where you walk up to a mirror and watch yourself cry, the rush of emotions makes you cry harder with snot dripping and tears flowing down your cheek. It’s not pretty at all but we all experience that moment of mixed emotions and misery.

The reality is that real love happens maybe once or twice in life. I mean like REAL love. Love as in, through all the challenges you face as a couple, no matter what, you want to put a ring on that finger and not think twice about it. Now here is where the problems begin. You might be thinking “what could possibly be wrong with wanting or giving a ring?” Well sorry to break it to you but yes, a problem does exist but we all fail to notice it. Are you actually in love, or are you in love with the idea of love? It’s a crazy thought, but we all need someone to love and we all want to be loved. Yet often we stay with people and we deal with nonsense that we shouldn’t have to. These things include but are not limited to cheating, lying, excessive farting, or simply being a boring person. As a side note everyone farts so don’t end a relationship over that.

Love is an amazing feeling when it’s good and hurts when its bad but don’t be scared of putting yourself out there to meet new people. Trust me, you might have more rejections, or failed relationships, but when it does work and you give/get that ring, all the moments before will make sense. Everything in life after you meet the one will be brighter but until then be patient and don’t cry too much.