Give and Take

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“The energy you put into the world is the energy you will get back.”

While I was growing up I had a hard time accepting others who were doing better than me in life; whether it was school, how they dressed and especially those who were doing the things they loved. Others being happy made me very uncomfortable and it made me put this fake cocky mask on to feel better about myself. A few years ago my energy was too negative and because of this energy I pushed away so many people and presented the wrong version of myself to others.

     My cockiness didn’t provide me comfort when I wasn’t included into plans with friends or when I wanted to do things with others. My words would often be hurtful and stung the people around me. I was the guy that would find a way to rain on someone’s day because if I can’t have it, nobody can. The further I went down this road the more internal damage I took along the way. Saying I was sad is an understatement, but I knew I had to work on this internal issue because I was pushing away positive people who could teach me a thing or two.

     After much thought I realized my internal issue is not being happy with where I am in life. So my easiest way to get rid of the internal guilt was by blaming everything and everyone around me, but myself.

     After much trial and error I became a magnet for the people around me. I became confident enough to do the things I love to do. Since I started following my own dreams I became confident enough to not let someone else’s success make my personal accolades fall short. I started tasting success when I graduated from my university because I realized I am a different individual and I have a lot of talent to give to the world. Which is why, when someone around me succeeded even if it was more than me I felt internal happiness for them. If someone needed to vent or needed a shoulder I became just that for them. A few years ago I was negative so what I got back was negativity and now I promote love, care, positivity and growth. I swear those exact same things are being thrown right back at me and I can’t express the happiness I feel nowadays. This didn’t happen overnight and to be honest I didn’t realize that the change happened until this morning when I was reflecting on my life. Every morning we are blessed with a new day to start something new, to try new things, to be better than we were yesterday. So the choice is yours, what will you throw at life today, but be careful because that’s what you will get back.

Complete state of happiness*

 

Every individual and generation in our society for has been involved in an

ongoing topic of discussion with the term, happiness. The one question still

remaining is simple. What is happiness? Is it your significant other? Is it your family,

friends, a certain hobby? Some may say happiness is obtained through the

possession of materialistic objects, but others may have a hard time experiencing

happiness because of chemical imbalances. Depending on who you ask, you will

receive a different answer. According to the dictionary, happiness is simply defined

as the state of being happy. So how does one achieve this state of being happy, and

how long will this last?

My state of happiness did not come walking to me. I had to discover it and

make it a part of my life and who I am. The way my personality is, I mold to people,

places, and my surroundings to make it more comfortable for others. Some say it’s

fake or I’m not being myself but I have a mask or two depending on whom I am

around. Meaning I’m one way with my family and another way around my friends.

I lacked complete happiness for years, rooting from self-image issues and not

being in a comfortable position academically. Whenever somebody said something

negative about me, I went on this chase to prove them wrong. A simple example

came about 4 years ago when this girl said I had a bad smile and no sense of style.

Was she right, maybe? Did it sting, oh yeah! After that comment, my self- esteem

dropped and I took drastic measures to change my appearance in hopes to achieve

my internal state of happiness. I got braces put on to fix my teeth, which by the way

took 3 painful years. I also started looking into men’s fashion to change the way I

dressed and worked on my image in various ways. This was all in hopes to appear as

a new and improved person. It sounds like a cliché Hollywood movie, but it was far

from that. I was so worried about proving her wrong, I became very self-centered

and self-absorbed, and that was not who I was deep down inside. I became a little

distant from family and friends because my only worry was to never hear that

comment again. The irony in this entire situation was my lack of happiness. At this

point in my life I had very few friends left and I was an individual with no substance.

About two years ago, something happened to me which turned my life

around. I met someone who pulled down my cocky mask and created a confident

man. I still remember, she would take pictures from across the table and I would not

smile. Instead, I would make a pouty or ugly face because I was that insecure about

my smile. This amazing soul would not take any picture unless I smiled. As time

passed she taught me how to smile and be confident with myself. She introduced me

to some amazing stores to shop at and create the look I always wanted. Through all

of the challenges we faced, she was there to guide me in ways that made me

understand the beauty of life, and that acquiring internal happiness was not difficult.

In return, the self-centered Kay started to disappear. I became a person that wanted

to help others find their internal happiness through finding their own self-worth.

Long story short, we both helped each other in so many ways. Things ended, but she

left an unimaginable impact on my life and I cannot thank her enough for it. I found a

best friend in her who will always be there for me.

My happiness, my smile, my confidence, and who I am today is because of

her. Even though we are just friends, she is the reason for my complete state of

happiness. Through my time with her I learned to love myself, ignore negativity, and

promote love. Sometimes we get so lost in wordily things we forgot to invest a little

love into us. As she would always tell me, “F#$& what people think, just do what

makes you happy.” She left her mark on me forever. All I ask now is, who will you

make happy today?