Food Coloring

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“Katray katray se deryah bantha hai” which literally means “through drops an entire river can be made.”

 

The way food coloring shows the nature of relationships is absolutely beautiful to me. Now here’s what you need to do in order to see what I mean. Get a clear glass, fill it with water and then carefully put in one drop of food coloring into the glass. Then observe how that one drop cuts through the water and then slowly changes the color of the water. It’s not instant, but rather slow. With each drop the color of the water becomes deeper and stronger. No matter how much clear water you add into that glass, the water is tinted. That’s exactly how negative energy works in a relationship. At first, that one drop slightly cuts through you and then, with each drop, the relationship drowns before your own eyes. The reality is, all relationships go through ups and downs, but the ups should always outweigh the downs.

The moment a relationship starts dropping “food coloring” on you and into your relationship you will only have two choices. One, either have a talk and fix the issues that you are having before the food coloring ruins you any further. Secondly, walk away because your water (relationship) is already tinted.

We all have been in a toxic relationship or witnessed someone who has been in one and it’s exhausting. The person visibly looks stressed, unhappy and worn out because of the mental strain. It’s painful to go through and even worse to see someone you love suffer in silence.

As I said earlier, with each drop a river is made, but the choice is yours on what you want the river made out of: negativity, toxicity and a tint of “food coloring”, or a basic understanding that you have to sacrifice, compromise and be willing to have the lightest tint in your glass of water.

Give and Take

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“The energy you put into the world is the energy you will get back.”

While I was growing up I had a hard time accepting others who were doing better than me in life; whether it was school, how they dressed and especially those who were doing the things they loved. Others being happy made me very uncomfortable and it made me put this fake cocky mask on to feel better about myself. A few years ago my energy was too negative and because of this energy I pushed away so many people and presented the wrong version of myself to others.

     My cockiness didn’t provide me comfort when I wasn’t included into plans with friends or when I wanted to do things with others. My words would often be hurtful and stung the people around me. I was the guy that would find a way to rain on someone’s day because if I can’t have it, nobody can. The further I went down this road the more internal damage I took along the way. Saying I was sad is an understatement, but I knew I had to work on this internal issue because I was pushing away positive people who could teach me a thing or two.

     After much thought I realized my internal issue is not being happy with where I am in life. So my easiest way to get rid of the internal guilt was by blaming everything and everyone around me, but myself.

     After much trial and error I became a magnet for the people around me. I became confident enough to do the things I love to do. Since I started following my own dreams I became confident enough to not let someone else’s success make my personal accolades fall short. I started tasting success when I graduated from my university because I realized I am a different individual and I have a lot of talent to give to the world. Which is why, when someone around me succeeded even if it was more than me I felt internal happiness for them. If someone needed to vent or needed a shoulder I became just that for them. A few years ago I was negative so what I got back was negativity and now I promote love, care, positivity and growth. I swear those exact same things are being thrown right back at me and I can’t express the happiness I feel nowadays. This didn’t happen overnight and to be honest I didn’t realize that the change happened until this morning when I was reflecting on my life. Every morning we are blessed with a new day to start something new, to try new things, to be better than we were yesterday. So the choice is yours, what will you throw at life today, but be careful because that’s what you will get back.

Guarded Fences

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“How long will you stand within a fenced area when you are able to see an open field as far as your eyes can see?”

After 2 years following my breakup from a long term relationship, I can finally say I am ready to meet new people and see where my vibe and energy takes me. I want to make a ton of friends and if somewhere along the line a friend becomes something more, I wouldn’t mind. Through these two years I have accepted my own flaws and worked on them to be a better person. The biggest thing I have come to realize is that my internal happiness will never be through another individual, and the amount of time I spend with them has no correlation with the strength of my relationship. One would think that accepting and improving your flaws is a plus. Then understanding the fundamentals of a healthy relationship is also a very important thing to understand, but lately I have been very confused.

I will become friends with someone then a month into it I will hear the cliche line, “sorry I am very guarded, I had a tough past” and as always I have to say “Oh it’s okay, I understand.” Truth be told I actually don’t understand and I am tired of people using that as a scapegoat to not open up. I get it, being vulnerable is tough because you literally are taking your armor off and letting someone you do not know into your life, but at some point you need to open up. The question is, how long will you talk about your favorite color?

The reality is we all have been fucked over in one way or another. The reality is we have had our heart broken and we’ve broken a few hearts, it’s life and it happens. So to use your past as a wall to keep people out could hurt you down the road. Good people and good things do not always come knocking on your door. It’s an opportunity you have to know that is rare and without you opening the fence up and walking out to take a look, you might miss out on it. If you don’t then you will have to watch from a distance at the flowers of the field you see start to blossom and look happier than you have been feeling.

You can either stay within your own fence and push everyone away that comes your way or you can be open to the idea of making new friends and seeing where it goes. The foundation of a healthy relationship is a solid friendship. Make your foundation strong, lower your walls a little, open up the gate to your fence and just walk out. Set yourself free from your own fences and I promise you, everyone around you will notice a new vibrant version of you.

Types Of Love

download (5)I was 20 years old when I first fell in love and instantly my life became full of colors. Her color brought me to a new high because we instantly clicked on every level. Our personalities went together like the summer in June, our birthdays were two days apart and my day was not complete without seeing her. We texted each other paragraph long text messages every morning, we fell asleep over facetime and made so many internal jokes. Each day that passed felt like a dive into another parallel universe because when I was around her, nothing else mattered. My family, friends, school and hobbies didn’t matter anymore because she was able to fill all those spaces in my heart. Some would say it’s not healthy but at that time I didn’t listen to anyone, besides her. One month turned into one year and I knew she was the girl I will marry. I mean, why wouldn’t I think that? We did everything together. That’s what love is. That’s what I saw in the movies, so this had to be it. Yet, we fought a lot and with those fights we forgot to give each other the space to grow. In my head love was being together and being away meant that love is no longer alive.

At the one year mark our love became an obsession that pulled the other closer if they dared to even hang out with someone else, but we loved each other. The thought of losing her would make my heart tremble, the fear of me losing her became more evident. As each day passed I became sucked out of our own parallel universe. I stopped laughing at her jokes. I didn’t have much to say anymore, but she was my home. So I always went back because it had to work this time around even though the other 55 times didn’t work. I became confused at our relationship because I couldn’t live with her and I couldn’t live without her. Our love became overwhelming and suffocating; both of us knew this but we were willing to slowly die within our self made poison we called love. As each day passed we became more distant. Hours on the phone became a quick 30 second call. 3 meals a day soon became 3 meals a week. Facetime turned into an automatic text, “sorry can’t talk right now.” As if we actually talked anymore? Eventually I got distracted because maybe deep down inside I wasn’t happy. She then sat me down at our favorite restaurant to talk and I knew what bullet was about to come my way. She said it, the three words, It is over. Within that instant the few ounces of happiness that I had left, soon became depleted.

~KirfanLive

 

I was 20 years old when I first had my heart broken and just as the canvas I called my life had become so colorful when he entered my life…in an instant my life became black and white once more. I wondered, what had happened to the two souls that seemed so inseparable? What had happened to the young love that had promised forever and a lifetime? Every day that passed without him felt like being hit by a train, but drowning at the same time. He’d always said that my heart was a mosaic he had put back together for good…and looking back, maybe that’s why I felt so many empty spaces in me. He was the glue that held me together, the reality that I felt was worth living for. Our nights together, had turned into days, and our days to months, and then years. I thought he was the one. I’ve often heard that when someone leaves your life they take a piece of you with them. He took all of me with him. He was my fairy tale in the world of non fiction. All I wanted was to keep him close, and love him. But…one year later our fairy tale was fading, and I felt powerless knowing that I was losing him. It felt like I was constantly holding my hand out to him, and no matter how much he tried to reach out…somehow our hands never met anymore. He said we had become poison for each other, but if so why was his love still my elixir? Every memory we had promised to make together, had in fact turned into a memory. But at this point, I knew it was over. I couldn’t see him suffer no matter how much I wanted him to be mine. And so one night, over dinner, I said it. It is over. With tears spilling down my cheeks, and my breath refusing to leave my throat. What else could I have done? As soon as the words had left my lips…I ran. I ran far far away from him. And I haven’t seen him since. I held him so close to my heart, so why had he kicked me out of his? I may have turned into a nightmare he wanted to wake up from, but he will always be the dream that I fall asleep to.

~V.G

 

It’s been almost five years now. I still think of him every day, but I’m sure he’s moved on by now. There’s probably a lucky girl in his life now, that he comes up behind, when she’s drying her hair in the mirror…and whispers, “hey beautiful” into her ear. People that haven’t seen me in years still ask me about him. If we’re still together. And I’m never able to get any words out. I just smile my sad smile, and continue trudging through life. So many people told him that I’m with someone now…but I’m not. I’m as lonely as ever. My only relationship is with my own solitude. I guess he needed more than just me. I still occasionally go back to the pier where we had spent so much of our time. I listen to the waves crash against each other and try to piece myself back together. I’ve found some peace though. I don’t hate him. I know I never will. If I were to completely honest, I still love him. But I’ve grown enough to know that not everything in life comes and stays forever. He was one of those things. I just hope he’s happy. Because that’s all I really ever wanted. I know that God has someone for me somewhere, and I’ll use all the lessons he taught me. And yeah, maybe I still cry in his memory. But one day, I’ll smile again…and everything will be okay.

~V.G

 

Note from the author:

This was one of the best collaborations I have been a part of to date. Me and Vaidehi have very complimentary styles that intertwine perfectly. This is one of many collaborations coming your way. Visit http://www.vaidehigajjar.com to check out her writing. #KayVStrikes

The Blossom Effect

 

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“I blossomed before you and you stopped growing as a whole”

Mistakes of all forms happen and heartaches happen at different magnitudes, but Imagine hearing that from the person you were supposed to marry. I always remember telling her she is my sidekick, my day 1 and wife. We weren’t married and just had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but I wanted to do everything with her. Not that I was unable to do it alone, but simply because her being with me, made everything better. There was not a snapchat she didn’t send my way that I didn’t take a screenshot of. There was not a dinner where I didn’t sneak a picture of her. There wasn’t much I didn’t take a picture of because I wanted to hold those memories. Unfortunately, through the process I lost touch with me and my world became her happiness. So naturally, I stopped growing from the inside out. Yes, I figured out my style of clothing and starting smiling more, but that was really about it. Whereas now when I look back at the pictures I can tell the exact moment in time where she lost touch with me. I can tell the exact moment in time where she blossomed and I was the same guy she met. Maybe it’s good thing or maybe it’s a bad thing, i have no idea how to feel about it. I have just come to accept the fact that she blossomed before me.

The unfortunate thing about toxic relationships is it leaves its scars on you permanently. You can move on, you can grow and be different but something about that toxicity, stays with you. The easy way is to blame her, but as a man I have to admit both of us together just didn’t work. I had to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I didn’t do enough to keep her around. I simply became boring and stagnant.

The first year was difficult in all forms because I had to adjust myself to doing things alone. I had to be okay with her doing her own thing or with friends, instead of me. I had to face the truth of me being the same guy as the first day she met. I had not grown in any way, so I really had two options? one , I could drown in my own pain and sorrow(which I was already doing). Two, I could start a new chapter in my life and never hear this ever again.

It’s been two-three years now and those words ring in my ear whenever I relax. Those words help wake me up at 5 am to start the day with pedal to the metal. I have taken out the word tired from my dictionary. I have stopped with relying on others to join me on adventures, if anything I love my alone time. I probably have grown the most this year than ever before because 90% of things I have done all alone.

I was sitting with my father one day and he told me a story about an eagle that wouldn’t fly. The eagle would just sit on a tree branch all day even though it had the ability to fly. The owner then decided to cut off the entire branch and the eagle immediately started to fly. Just as this eagle I was meant to soar but she was my branch and my comfort zone. I held on to her for dear life  because I was too scared to fly and now that I am soaring, I only want to go higher. I only want to try new things and be the best version of myself. If you are in this predicament, i’m telling you, cut off that branch. You can love someone without limits but the day you become stagnant and stay in your comfort zone is the day you will hear what I did. I promise you. The day you start doing things alone, is the day new doors will open for you.

Who pays on the first date?

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Have you ever been in a situation where you are broke? Don’t have money to pay bills or even fill up your gas tank? Yet you somehow stumble upon someone, who you really like? Then suddenly you are faced with the struggle to fund the first date just because you are a guy?

Here is how I face such a predicament, If my character, morals, values and personality are not enough to keep someone then good bye. The fancy dates and gifts are nice but that does not make the relationship good by any standard-cough cough future wife I want a new football jersey. All jokes aside most of us are not made of money, we shop from sale racks and try to manage our money. Then why should we expect fancy dates from a completely stranger, who we are interested in.

With that said the most common first date is usually dinner at a nice place. First dates are your tryouts, if you do good the possibility of a second date or getting a call back goes up. One thing to keep in mind is just be yourself and do not try too hard to win them over with being flashy. Now if you cant pronounce over half the entrees on the menu, chances are this place is not for you. If you look at the price of the food and pray to god she doesn’t order the most expensive plate(she usually does), chances are this place is not for you. What I am trying to say is don’t go crazy, keep it simple. Coffee shops, museums, walk at the park or even a hole in the wall restaurant is okay. The key is for her to like YOU not the place you take her. There is nothing wrong with doing the best for your date but its also important to maintain a proper budget.

After your meal, what happens next really shows who you are as a person. Society says the man should pay on the first date-agreed! On the other hand the woman should at least offer to split the check. Now before you guys get on my case, I have never let the lady pay on the first date. My only issue is if she doesn’t even offer, It leaves a bad taste in my mouth because that means she already expected me to pay.

Here’s why men including me get annoyed if you don’t even offer. In our minds we know that I asked you to the date.  We also know that I approached you first but we have to cut these bullshit double standards that are used when it benefits us. look, If me being a real man comes from pulling out my wallet then you as a woman should at least offer. I promise you, a real man will never let you pay. We as men just want to see effort and feel appreciated but the moment you sit there, expecting the man to pay is when we feel used.

For anyone reading this and thinking I am being a “Menist” or not being a “gentleman”, i’m sorry you are incorrect. Lets reflect to when we go out with our friends, we split the check and maybe once in awhile pick up their tab. Then why do we have unreasonable expectations from a complete stranger? Why do we put so much financial burden on someone who may have loans, bills, and other financial issues? 

“If you as a man do not pay on the first date, you were raised wrong and if you as a woman do not offer, you were raised wrong”-Treat your date and partner like your best friend not someone who needs to buy your time.