How I Learned to Fill Voids.

 

god-shaped-hole

 

We all meet someone who is super intimidating at first and then we realize that they just have RBF(resting bitch face). This is exactly what happened between me and my friend Marium. At first I was very shy and quiet around her because of how she carries herself but as time passed I realized how chill she is. Whether it’s learning photography or having a friend to eat tacos with, it’s always fun and relaxed with her.

Last night we went to get tacos after midnight and a conversation sparked regarding relationships, hoe behavior and the depth both of us need out of our next partner. She has this habit of not talking while eating because it helps her “focus” on her food. Once she finished her food she said “I bet I know everything about you, even though you don’t talk about the real you”. I looked at her and said “ard do it” and this girl went on a rant for a full 10 minutes about who I am. The things she said I have never wrote in a blog let alone voice to anyone. She scared the shit out of me and I was intimidated by her again. I felt naked, vulnerable and wanted to go hide somewhere because of how accurate her perception was about me.

She talked about my love life, career, school and self doubts. I tried to control my facial expressions because I didn’t want her to think she was right. She then said “If it’s okay with you, I will help you be less bougie and be who you really are”. She looked at my phone then reached her hand out and without hesitation I handed her my phone. One by one she deleted and blocked old phone numbers, and people off my social media that I should have cut off years ago. I swear I was annoyed when she did that until this morning because I would wake up to 15-20 texts and social media going crazy. I realized I was spending my time, energy, and money on people who don’t add value to my life. They were around to fill voids I didn’t know existed or to make me feel better about myself. This morning I woke up to zero texts and maybe 5 social media notifications. It was so nice to not have over 30 notifications on my phone and this burden or feeling that I have to reply to everyone, even though I don’t connect with them.

I texted her the next morning to tell her how bossy she is and how much value she holds in my life. Hands down, she is the only person in the world who can call the shots or be bossy and I do not get offended. The reasoning being is because she does not have malicious intentions. She says the things you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. At first I had a lot of “Wtf” moments with her but I quickly learned how layered she is and how much depth she has that cannot be seen on the surface. Best way to explain Marium is that she has resting bitch face for the world but is a soft serve ice cream from the inside.

Now why does my friendship with a “bossy” friend mean anything-well here’s how! I realized through her that I spent countless years maintaining relationships on romantic and platonic levels with people who do not deserve it. So my question is why do we insist on wasting our time on such people? Why do we go above and beyond for people who won’t take one step for us? Its simple. The fear of loneliness and this hunger to fill voids. Which are left from someone leaving us or some situation that left us empty. So how do we stop this cycle of constant let downs?

1) Stop filling voids with other humans who are incomplete themselves

2) Find yourself before you go finding someone else

3) Stop telling people too much about yourself. Don’t be an open book for everyone. If someone wants to know, they will ask you!

4) 200 likes on Instagram or an X amount of retweets does not mean your life is full. I promise you, it takes one good soul to fill the shoes of 200 people who liked your picture or re-tweeted you.

5) Don’t be scared to be the real you! Leave the fancy bullshit for the one who matters and deserves it. Until then enjoy the small things in life. Such as Iced coffee, french fries and pizza. With the people who matter(or alone).

Bonus Pro Tip***** Don’t be scared to approach people with RBF(resting bitch face). They aren’t bad people, they are just lost deep in thought,probably about food.  

The Corner Store Man

Broken English was what I knew him as. The man behind the counter was nothing more than a the corner store man. He stood tall above the customers only because the counter made him look tall. Bulletproof glass was the only barrier between him and the customers. “Hello buddy” was said to everyone and each time I died inside because he had an accent. I was embarrassed of him and I didn’t want people to know this man was my father. He was nothing but an immigrant who the customers can mock, make fun of and disrespect. I was a young, shy and quiet kid who usually stood in the background because I didn’t want to be noticed. I remember one day a girl from my 5th grade class walked in and I hid under the counter because I thought I would be judged due to my father’s job and accent.

A bad accent was what I knew him as. The man behind the counter would make me broom and mop the store. I hated these tasks because I could hear the whispers of the kids my age laughing. I remember one day I was mopping and I saw this man throw change at the corner store man while he had his hand out to take the change. I remember people throwing racist remarks at the corner store man only because he had an accent. The corner store man would do nothing but smile back and do whatever he can to make the customer happy. I was so embarrassed because I couldn’t defend him. I didn’t know what to say, what to do and how to handle these situations. Instead I grew distant because I did not want to be at the corner store.

As I grew distant, the corner store man and me would only meet for breakfast and maybe dinner. He would always ask me to stop by and help him but I always was too “busy” or made some other excuse. At times I would wish he could just be a doctor or have a “real job”. While I was wishing what he could’ve been he dealt with body aches, back problems and various health problems. I was so blinded and so selfish at the time that I couldn’t notice he would need my help.

I soon went to college and I forgot the corner store even existed. The corner store man not only got me through college but also made sure I never gave up. The corner store man forgot all of his dreams to see me peruse mine. I followed my dreams of becoming a dancer, photographer and writer. I fell so many times during my undergrad career and he was always by my side to pick me up even when I didn’t ask for help. I was an asshole who was so concerned about what he did that I forgot who he was.

Yes, I proudly announce to the world my father is a corner store man but nobody is better at it than him. Yes, he has an accent but he can read, write and speak in 3 languages. The corner store man is not only a proud storeowner but also a son, father, husband and a selfless man who provided education to all of his kids.

As I write this I am standing at the counter greeting the customers who walk in. This time around my father is drinking tea at home while I try to manage the things he does with his eyes closed. My father is what I will always see him as.

For all of my South Asian readers, whose families are in some sort of a family business, show your parents love and appreciate them. The immigrant life is tough and it is not easy by any means. It’s a new language, new culture and pretty much new everything. Never let yourself be embarrassed of how they speak or what they do.

Some good news!

Kirfanlive is still up and running! When I started this page I promised stories that will follow the difficulties in our South Asian culture. I have been so caught up with the hectic schedule of my summer! I am packed with work between study sessions and summer classes. Due to the recent amount of work I have pushed my posting to every Friday night. I also wanted to let you all know that I am at a loss of words for all the support and love I have been receiving since I started running my new blog. I can’t thank you all enough! My goal is to keep this running strong so help spread the word for my blog by recommending a friend to like and share! Kirfanlive is going to finish the Zoya story regarding divorce by this coming Friday and add some new content that every South Asian can relate to. Lastly, Kirfanlive Instagram has been released which will feature sneak peeks of new stories and images of my journey through my writing career! Go follow me on Instagram, kirfanliveofficial  Stay Tuned!