Bro thats “gay”

blogger

“Bro why would you do that, it’s so gay”

Yesterday I decided to do a little experiment with my friends and followers of social media. I have always wanted to get a nose stud/ring but was scared of how people would react. Somehow I gained enough courage to get a nose ring early yesterday morning and then post a selfie on my social media. Within a few minutes the amount of hate and “bro that so gay” texts I got was shocking to me and a little hurtful. How is my sexuality determined by a piece of metal in my nose? How is my fashion statement an open doorway to spit out homophobic remarks? Our society has made it hard for people to express themselves in different ways. To the point where any hint of being original or different will have you shunned.

Most people have art, music or some other hobby to express themselves from everyday life, but for me its clothes and fashion. My style is based off of london and british bloggers who have inspired my sleek dark look. Sadly, for years I had to dress down in order to hang out with my male friends because of the homophobic remarks I would receive. The more they made fun of me the more I wanted to spread my wings and express myself, but I was scared. I didn’t want to lose my friends or be outcasted because I was different. See my entire life I struggled fitting in because my mentality, perspectives and of course sense of style was out of the norm for most people. I couldn’t risk losing a few friends that I did have just because I wanted to be expressive, so for years I just blended in. I didn’t style my hair or beard a certain way because of harsh comments. I didn’t wear certain clothes because i would stick out too much around those friends. Maybe around my last semester of college I decided to be who I am and just wear whatever I please and I did exactly that. Pretty soon I changed my hairstyle, beard and got an ear piercing. I got the “Bro thats gay” comments but I loved how I looked so It didn’t bother me. I guess through all the backlash my life long friends gave me I started developing thicker skin, so stupid comments do not pierce through me. Which is why I ended up getting my nose piercing done. I knew the harsh comments would come my way but I didn’t want to think back at my life and regret the things I didn’t do because I was scared of someone else’s opinions. The fact of the matter is that we get one shot at life but we ruin it because we spend our entire lives fitting into the mold others have put together of us.

Clothes, hair, and jewelry do not determine someone’s sexuality and even if it did, spitting out homophobic slurs is never okay. I used to know this guy back in my university who wore pink cheetah print shirts and bedazzled pants. I wasn’t open to being friends with him but through a group project I realized how nice of a human being he was. A few weeks later I saw him with his girlfriend, walking hand in hand. See the beauty about self expression is that somewhere along the line you will find someone as crazy, wild and absurd as you. Think about it. If that guy never expressed himself, would he have found that girl? Would he be so carefree, happy and enjoying the beauty of love? Maybe he would but it would definitely not be with that girl who saw that part in him.

All these years I was scared to express my own sense of style so I was attracting all the wrong types of friends and girls. So what started off as a sexy new relationship quickly went down in flames because I found them to be bland and boring. That was until I became comfortable in my own skin, hair and clothes, which is why I finally attracted the right girl who saw my exterior and wanted to understand the inside a little more. She encourages me to do all the wild crazy styles I ever wanted to and I promote her doing crazy hair colors and different styles of makeup. I mean who knows maybe I’ll highlight the tips of my hair platinum this summer, and if gay means I have a killer fashion sense and piercings then hey I’ll take it because my girlfriend loves every bit of it.

Concrete Roads

Broken Concrete Wall

“Jab dard mein yaar na ho”

Life has its mysterious ways of showing you the top of the mountain and then suddenly dropping you to the bottom. That drop from the mountain is usually painful, lonely and causes a major shift in your character.

For a few weeks now i’ve been noticing this sudden drop in my emotions. I don’t laugh and I don’t feel pain as much. For me to let any emotions “out” I have to watch something super sad or listen to some sappy Bollywood songs. This feeling within is like a concrete layering over every single emotion in the world. What I do know is that this is not healthy and as much as I want to blame life, some of the blame goes on me.

My biggest flaw is not reacting the right way when I have the time. For example, if a death happens in the family, I probably wouldn’t cry. Instead I would hold it in for 3-4 weeks and then drown in my own emotions. For some odd reason I feel like i have to be strong for everyone, but in the end I am the one suffering without a shoulder to lean on. The best way to explain this emotion of suffering is like putting a 50 pound bag of concrete on your chest. It’s constantly there but I have no where to drop this bag of concrete, so I end up feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I just want to get up and toss this damn bag of concrete somewhere, but the question remains, where? I need a break and just want to go somewhere where It’s quiet around me and in my mind.

I’m on a road that is making me go in circles through very noisy and cluttered places. Sadly, I have to travel on this road alone because nobody else will take out the time to understand my journey or ask me how I am doing. The reality is jab dard mein yaar na ho then why would anyone else help? Its my pain and whether I have to cry it out or laugh it out, I will. Being a man has nothing to do with how much you cry but rather understanding your own emotions. It’s about climbing back up to that mountain that you fell from, but this time around you will have a few battle scars that made you stronger in the process.