The Squad Mentality

Stack Of Books

When I see someone, I see a book full of stories, I see broken pasts and mind full of memories. like any book there is a cover that hides and protects the pages. This cover doesn’t share it all but rather shows you at face value of what to expect. Sometimes the face value is exactly what the rest of the book is about. Yet, often times the cover is not always true. The person like many books is full of many twists, turns and surprises. This is exactly why I love meeting new people and squads. Each person in every squad Is full of many different backgrounds, experiences and stories.

Reality is, besides my 5 childhood friends, I hate the idea of sticking to one group of people for more than three to six months. I rather meet a squad and hand pick max 2 or 3 people and move along with my life. The way I see it, over time misunderstandings and issues arise which leave a sour taste in your mouth. So why stay around for amazing friendships to crumble to the ground? Why be a part of fake friendships that are in tact for Instagram posts and for a few good times? What need to understand is that the number of friends you have, does not mean anything. The number of crazy fun nights you have together with these friends, does not mean much either. The idea of a friendship has nothing to with good times. Rather it means being there for each other during a rough patch.

I’ve been a part of 6-7 squads within these last two years and each time, I witnessed good friendships fall to extreme lows. I watched misunderstandings become walls between people who shared so many good times. I watched people leave groups forever finding out the hard way that a so called squad is not your family.  I watched people become stagnant and okay with where they are in life. We as humans are meant to grow and keep learning something new. Either we can be okay with the same story everyday or we can go out and find new stories. Until I find another book whose story that really touches me, I will keep my book closed and show whats at face value, my book cover.  

Who pays on the first date?


Have you ever been in a situation where you are broke? Don’t have money to pay bills or even fill up your gas tank? Yet you somehow stumble upon someone, who you really like? Then suddenly you are faced with the struggle to fund the first date just because you are a guy?

Here is how I face such a predicament, If my character, morals, values and personality are not enough to keep someone then good bye. The fancy dates and gifts are nice but that does not make the relationship good by any standard-cough cough future wife I want a new football jersey. All jokes aside most of us are not made of money, we shop from sale racks and try to manage our money. Then why should we expect fancy dates from a completely stranger, who we are interested in.

With that said the most common first date is usually dinner at a nice place. First dates are your tryouts, if you do good the possibility of a second date or getting a call back goes up. One thing to keep in mind is just be yourself and do not try too hard to win them over with being flashy. Now if you cant pronounce over half the entrees on the menu, chances are this place is not for you. If you look at the price of the food and pray to god she doesn’t order the most expensive plate(she usually does), chances are this place is not for you. What I am trying to say is don’t go crazy, keep it simple. Coffee shops, museums, walk at the park or even a hole in the wall restaurant is okay. The key is for her to like YOU not the place you take her. There is nothing wrong with doing the best for your date but its also important to maintain a proper budget.

After your meal, what happens next really shows who you are as a person. Society says the man should pay on the first date-agreed! On the other hand the woman should at least offer to split the check. Now before you guys get on my case, I have never let the lady pay on the first date. My only issue is if she doesn’t even offer, It leaves a bad taste in my mouth because that means she already expected me to pay.

Here’s why men including me get annoyed if you don’t even offer. In our minds we know that I asked you to the date.  We also know that I approached you first but we have to cut these bullshit double standards that are used when it benefits us. look, If me being a real man comes from pulling out my wallet then you as a woman should at least offer. I promise you, a real man will never let you pay. We as men just want to see effort and feel appreciated but the moment you sit there, expecting the man to pay is when we feel used.

For anyone reading this and thinking I am being a “Menist” or not being a “gentleman”, i’m sorry you are incorrect. Lets reflect to when we go out with our friends, we split the check and maybe once in awhile pick up their tab. Then why do we have unreasonable expectations from a complete stranger? Why do we put so much financial burden on someone who may have loans, bills, and other financial issues? 

“If you as a man do not pay on the first date, you were raised wrong and if you as a woman do not offer, you were raised wrong”-Treat your date and partner like your best friend not someone who needs to buy your time.