How I Learned to Fill Voids.

 

god-shaped-hole

 

We all meet someone who is super intimidating at first and then we realize that they just have RBF(resting bitch face). This is exactly what happened between me and my friend Marium. At first I was very shy and quiet around her because of how she carries herself but as time passed I realized how chill she is. Whether it’s learning photography or having a friend to eat tacos with, it’s always fun and relaxed with her.

Last night we went to get tacos after midnight and a conversation sparked regarding relationships, hoe behavior and the depth both of us need out of our next partner. She has this habit of not talking while eating because it helps her “focus” on her food. Once she finished her food she said “I bet I know everything about you, even though you don’t talk about the real you”. I looked at her and said “ard do it” and this girl went on a rant for a full 10 minutes about who I am. The things she said I have never wrote in a blog let alone voice to anyone. She scared the shit out of me and I was intimidated by her again. I felt naked, vulnerable and wanted to go hide somewhere because of how accurate her perception was about me.

She talked about my love life, career, school and self doubts. I tried to control my facial expressions because I didn’t want her to think she was right. She then said “If it’s okay with you, I will help you be less bougie and be who you really are”. She looked at my phone then reached her hand out and without hesitation I handed her my phone. One by one she deleted and blocked old phone numbers, and people off my social media that I should have cut off years ago. I swear I was annoyed when she did that until this morning because I would wake up to 15-20 texts and social media going crazy. I realized I was spending my time, energy, and money on people who don’t add value to my life. They were around to fill voids I didn’t know existed or to make me feel better about myself. This morning I woke up to zero texts and maybe 5 social media notifications. It was so nice to not have over 30 notifications on my phone and this burden or feeling that I have to reply to everyone, even though I don’t connect with them.

I texted her the next morning to tell her how bossy she is and how much value she holds in my life. Hands down, she is the only person in the world who can call the shots or be bossy and I do not get offended. The reasoning being is because she does not have malicious intentions. She says the things you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. At first I had a lot of “Wtf” moments with her but I quickly learned how layered she is and how much depth she has that cannot be seen on the surface. Best way to explain Marium is that she has resting bitch face for the world but is a soft serve ice cream from the inside.

Now why does my friendship with a “bossy” friend mean anything-well here’s how! I realized through her that I spent countless years maintaining relationships on romantic and platonic levels with people who do not deserve it. So my question is why do we insist on wasting our time on such people? Why do we go above and beyond for people who won’t take one step for us? Its simple. The fear of loneliness and this hunger to fill voids. Which are left from someone leaving us or some situation that left us empty. So how do we stop this cycle of constant let downs?

1) Stop filling voids with other humans who are incomplete themselves

2) Find yourself before you go finding someone else

3) Stop telling people too much about yourself. Don’t be an open book for everyone. If someone wants to know, they will ask you!

4) 200 likes on Instagram or an X amount of retweets does not mean your life is full. I promise you, it takes one good soul to fill the shoes of 200 people who liked your picture or re-tweeted you.

5) Don’t be scared to be the real you! Leave the fancy bullshit for the one who matters and deserves it. Until then enjoy the small things in life. Such as Iced coffee, french fries and pizza. With the people who matter(or alone).

Bonus Pro Tip***** Don’t be scared to approach people with RBF(resting bitch face). They aren’t bad people, they are just lost deep in thought,probably about food.