Dear South Asian Parents,
We love you immensely and respect all you have done for us. There are times we sit back and think how we would be unable to do the things you do every day, there is something you should know about us. Times have changed and compared to how you grew up, we are living in a different world. Males and females can be friends, women can get the same jobs as men. We want you guys to understand this about us. We do not want our actions to be overshadowed by what society will say or what people around us have accomplished. We have become a household of order and structure that we often forget that we are a family. We want you to ask about things besides school and work. Ask us about our day, what new movies are out, or what we have planned for the weekend. We want you to be our friends and take interest in our lives so we don’t make mistakes like Anjali. Often we pass by each other but do not have much to say which is starting to create a wall between our relationship. We all make mistakes but in this time and age some unfortunate mistakes in your eyes may be drinking, smoking, and dating. We want to have a frank relationship with you but if we feel like you are going to react and get upset with us, chances are we will back off and not say anything even when we need you. Maybe our major in college is not what you want or maybe we are in love but can’t tell you. We really do love you but we as kids are stuck in a parallel with our modern lives while trying to relate to your customs. The fact of the matter is the only consistent thing about life is change. Now we as kids have to be calmer and really understand that we are from two different worlds, and we want you to do this as well. Now that you know our side we want to know yours.
My heart was racing because I was drunk and the walk from the car to the door felt like a mile long. It seemed like an eternity to unlock my door and the entire time I was reminding myself to “act natural”. My make-up was smeared, I did not change out of my short dress and by the time I closed the door behind me I saw my parents sitting down and trying to find a daughter in me. They demanded me to come sit in front of them. I knew if I walked to them they would be able to smell the alcohol from my breath and my slurred words would give it away. I took a moment then started walking to them with the help of the walls and furniture around me. By the time I took a seat I saw them get angrier and scream, “Are you drunk!?” I denied it, I swore to them but my mom leaned in and smelled it on me. Just by the look on her face I knew I was in a lot of trouble. I thought at the time it would be great to lighten up the mood by telling them a joke I heard. I looked straight at my dad and said, a sandwich went into a bar and the bartender said, “Sorry we don’t serve food here”. I got no reaction but due to my intoxication I laughed really hard. My dad ordered my mom to take me upstairs and get me in bed; we will deal with her tomorrow.
My mother pulled my arm and dragged me up the flight of stairs. She gave me my bedtime clothes and put some water by my bedside table. I thought I was dreaming about throwing up but when I woke up I realized my clothes, bed, and floor were covered in it. By this point my mom had to clean it because I was way to hung-over to even help. I was called downstairs to have breakfast with the family but I knew I was due for a lecture. I walked to the breakfast table and before I had even sat down he demanded my phone and told me no more friends and no more going anywhere without our supervision. I just nodded my head and slid my phone to him and quietly went to my room with my breakfast.
I still had graduation and senior week ahead of me. My parents basically had me on house arrest, checking my phone every time it would buzz, going through my closet to make sure I was not hiding anything, and kept a close eye on my actions. I thought if I kept my good behavior up everything would be fine. Boy oh boy was I wrong about that thought process. They just needed a reason to bring up prom night and even with my 500 apologies they just did not want to even talk to me. I was reminded constantly of how much of a shame I was to the family name and how I can never be trusted.
Graduation day was bitter sweet. I thought to myself this is it, the 4 years of high school are over and senior week was going to be my only way to see my friends. After walking the stage my dad told me I would have 15 minutes to talk to my friends and I had no choice because I was not going to fight back. I knew senior week would not happen. I knew my parents were on the zero tolerance policy but the worst part was how they overshadowed my accomplishments over the past four years. I earned scholarships but it was overlooked because they were still comparing me to girls they thought had good image although everyone knew they sneak out every weekend and do the things I once did.
I heard my name being called and I got up to retrieve my diploma. The entire time I was walking back to my seat I thought how I would have never handled the situation like my parents did. Unlike them, I understand the impulses teenagers have. The social environment and curiosity leads them to experiment with things that their parents might not be proud of. I knew in my college career I would drink again, but the worst part was that I couldn’t tell them anything anymore.
Anjali is not a real girl, everything was made up and fictional but being a South Asian teenager is difficult. We have to balance two worlds between friends and family but that often gets overlooked. I have decided to stop the story here but next week I will have a message to the parents.